I've been hiding a secret. I've struggled with whether to share this or not out of fear of criticism but in the end, my desire to help others won out. If me sharing this piece of my life helps even one other person, then it was worth it. I've been suffering from depression. It started shortly after Sophie was born and she is now three years old. Just to give you an idea how long this has been going on.
I've been engulfed in anxiety in my life assignment. I believe, with all my heart, that there certain rolls we are assigned to in life that are of the utmost importance. Among those possible assignments in life are Wife and Mom. Taking on one or both of these titles is uniquely rewarding and just like anything that carries enormous reward, the amount of work that goes in to raising kids and/or being a spouse is immense. The pressure to be successful and to meet everyone's needs at home can be overwhelming at times to just plain crippling some days.
I recently realized a critical error I've been making. If I wasn't so stubborn, I would've listened to God's voice in my head trying to show me how to experience some relief some time ago but I let "baggage" from my abusive childhood perform as a road block until a few months ago. I finally had enough of feeling drained all the time and decided to take steps in a positive direction. I wish I would've done it much sooner so I'm sharing my experience with you in the hopes that you will learn from my mistake and use it to better your situation if you can.
What God was speaking to me, over and over again was to stop being so afraid. He was telling me to learn to lean on and reach out to PEOPLE once again! I had shut anyone out from getting too close to me except a very small circle, many many years ago. A lot of you that have already been reading my posts know that I spent many of my child hood years in a house full of abuse. Like many situations that are similar, my abusers sought to alienate me from others. Often telling people things that would make them not want anything to do with me just to make sure I never developed too many confidants. For me to confide in others could mean that the secret of the abuse might be found out. Successful in keeping me an emotional prisoner, the abuse went on. As it continued, I went from a complete people person and extrovert to an introvert, terrified of the world around me and always self conscious anytime someone would make eye contact.
I was mostly surrounded by toxic people and I learned not to share anything but positive news, lies, or a mixture of both with the very few "virtuous" people I had managed to keep around. My abusers had chased off anyone that I vented the slightest problem at home to. I was left feeling very much alone, believing people were either rotten or couldn't be fully trusted, and that was just my reality. If I did happen to meet someone that seemed nice and kind, I was a skeptic and never let them get too close. It almost took an act of Congress for me to speak to anyone new. Even though, deep down, I wanted to so badly. Don't get me wrong, I was quick to put on a smile and make small talk with just about anyone! The problem with that is, life isn't all sunshine and roses. Issues come up. Catastrophe can happen. Stress can pile up and everyone needs people to talk to at some point.
I FINALLY listened to God's voice, pulled myself up by my boot straps, and starting admitting to some of my friends that I was struggling and guess what? I received nothing back but positive words and support. I even learned that some of them were struggling in their own way too! I'm also noticing how many pleasant people there really are in the world if you just CHOOSE to find them. I'm not so naive that I'm no longer aware that there are lots of devious folks still lingering but I am learning from my past enough to implement some strategies. Here's what worked for me so I am passing it on to you!
- YOU MUST REMOVE as many toxic people from your life as absolutely possible. Stop feeling guilty about it and just DO IT!
- On that note, learn to use the DELETE and BLOCK features on social media. They work! They are awesome tools! Use them!
- For those people that you simply can't avoid contact with that are poisonous (we all have that problem) you MUST learn to act like a DUCK and let those people and their actions roll off your back so you don't dwell on the negative and move on with your day! Can I just tell you how liberating that is! When I use the term learn, that's just what I mean. It's a learned habit. It doesn't happen instantly.
- Don't be afraid to meet new people! Think of yourself as a gardener always planting new seeds and plucking out weeds.
- Share your struggles! If you do and find that the person you are choosing to share with is constantly "judging" you or saying noxious things to you when you confide in them then STOP SHARING your struggle stories with that person and find someone supportive to share them with.
- STOP WORRYING about what others think of you! Another one easier said than done, right! I've learned a saying recently. "What Other People Think Of Me Is None Of My Business." Seriously, think about that one. Another person's thoughts are their property. Owned by them and NONE of your concern. They aren't even about you, really. The way they think of others is about them! Isn't that just FREEING! If that thought doesn't free you from worrying about someone's opinion of you then, I'm not sure what to say!
In a world full of bad news and people that want to spread bad vibes, just learn to be more like tea sipping Kermie.....
God designed us for each other.
To support, love on, and learn from each other. I forgot about that for a very long time, living in a form of seclusion and that's not a healthy place to live. I cannot describe to you how badly I felt and how much better I am feeling with each passing day having implemented these strategies and actively seeking to filter out negativity any chance I can get. My environment is a 180 degree difference from my past and I only see brighter days ahead.
I hope you gain something from this. I also hope if you did, and you know someone else that's having a hard time right now in a similar situation, that you will share this post with them. It might just help them turn a brighter corner....
Have you ever been blue for a prolonged amount of time?
What steps did YOU take to feel better!
Leave me a comment and tell me your experiences! I might just learn something and I have so much left to learn!
As always, love to you all!
Stacey
**Struggling with serious depression or having suicidal thoughts? Please call the SUICIDE HOTLINE... 1-800-784-2433
***Disclaimer. The opinions and advice offered in this post are NOT meant, in any way, to replace the advice and treatment of a professional. If you are suffering from any mental illness or depression, please, seek professional help immediately and do NOT rely on the steps here to cure you. I am NOT a medical or mental health professional**
I feel like Ipsy just "gets" me. Soul and all. (Insert heart emoji)....
I must say, having the Ipsy App installed on my phone has been a delight. I get to "sneak peak" at what's coming. I read up about the bag, itself this month before it arrived. I found it quite interesting looking. Since this month's theme was "Metropolis" the design of the cosmetic bag mimics a skyscraper. It's a silver hue which is extremely handy since it will go with a lot of outfits and purse choices!
This time I got a lip gloss. I really liked this shade. It has such a light hearted aspect to it. It seems like the perfect marriage of peach and pink in the barest of pigments. 
Ciate London is a brand I have seen in my Ipsy before. This particular product is a top coat for nail polish that touts it's ability to make your nail polish last longer. I tried it. I can't say that it made my polish last any longer than any other top coat I have tried. I must also admit that I am SUPER HARD on my nails due to all the cooking and cleaning that comes with a family our size plus running my business. My hands never rest!
I also acquired a collagen serum by Mint Pear. I haven't used it yet but it looks compelling and I want to give it a try on my eye area and check out the results of that. 
